Lately I have been feeling all kinds of feelings. I guess it all started when my dad tried to introduce me to some guys. He was asking if it was okay for him to share my phone number.

Deep down I wanted to say I am not okay. I kept stalling for time to answer his texts. On a Sunday when I visited my parents, dad personally asked the same question. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. My heart hurts from hearing the question. He wanted me to get connected to some random guys.

I am pretty sure he hasn’t even met them in person. One of them is his friend’s son and the other one is his friend’s colleague. One of them is a lawyer and the other one is a contractor. I could care less about their jobs.

I am still in the process of healing from my disappointment toward my parents. A couple of months ago, dad said unkind things towards me and it hurts so bad. A force to get married should be considered a bully and an abuse.

Here comes the cycle where they ‘push’ me again to meet new people and get married. My cousin might have something to do with it. She just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl a couple of weeks ago. She’s still 25yo though. By the time she’s my age, her son would be 9 year-old.

I guess my parents could see how I have missed out on some of the life stages. Maybe they thought how disappointing it was to have a child like me. How embarrassing it was to see her unmarried child.

I just want to cry… I want to hide. I want to avoid the conflict, the arguments and all the hurtful things that will occur between us.

The emotional distance between me and my parents are getting wider and I don’t know how to fix it. All I feel is a tremendous amount of pressure. Pretending it won’t affect my I guess it won’t ever be fixed. How will I survive it all?