.life and its surprises (we’re going to Chicago, baby!).

It was just ordinary Monday where paper work has been staked in front of my desk. I had one terrible night the day before, had an argument with my best friend, was stopped by three policemen in the middle of the night because I ran into red lights and almost got my motorbike’s seat forced open because I left the key inside the locked seat. It was silly and stupid. I was so clumsy I shouldn’t go out anywhere that Sunday night.

That night, after I took Anggie back to her place (she is the witness of all clumsy and silly moments happened that night:p), I remember I said to myself that it’s okay to go through unfortunate events sometimes, tomorrow will be a new and luckier day. I pray God it will be a better day.

I am stoked to have my day off and go on vacation to Philippines. I have had permission from my bosses and I am so ready to explore the country. I even had my bag packed already haha I have been planning this for months!! I know It would have been so amazing.

Well, my just-an-ordinary Monday turned out to be extraordinary when my boss called me to go with him to attend An Annual Seminar and Expo about Futures Trading and Options. What is extraordinary, the event took place in Chicago. Yeah, you heard it right, we’re going to USA! My heart was racing and I kept saying to myself that it’s a just a dream and that I need to wake up. I was shaking and couldn’t get over the fact that I will probably be in Chicago in less than a week. So yeah, the event itself will be on Oct 10-12, 2011. We had less than 5 days to get the visa and all the process done. That Monday, I was running here and there preparing all the requirements to apply for the visa. I went to photo studio twice just because the first one was not right. Long story short, that was a super busy day at work. So many things to be done. I don’t wanna get too excited because it’s possible that I didn’t get the visa in time.

One of many things to deal with was rescheduling my Philippines trip. I paid most of the expenses already; plane tickets and accommodation. I saved the money and reserved them all one by one when the saving is enough. The most difficult thing was telling my friends that I need a rain check about the upcoming trip.

Things just went by so quickly that week. I kept my finger crossed that I will get the visa in time. We can’t booked a flight without it. If it’s meant to be, it will be, I said it to myself and I am amazed of how things went so easy. I feel so blessed. We dropped all the documents at USA Embassy by Thursday and we got the visa on Friday. It was super quick, thanks to all the help and perseverance from my coworkers who handle this business trip. When we finally got the certainty about the flight and everything on Friday evening. I need to get my bag packed and prepare everything. We’ll be flying Monday at 00.05 am. I still need to attend A Fun Bike event with Minister of Trade on Saturday. The fun bike event was a success. I love it!

Traveling far on a short notice needs extra preparation. I need to make sure that I am ready with the material of the event and also the weather. I didn’t pack my bag until 4.5 hours before the flight. I was still looking for a baggage because I don’t have proper bag for long travel. When I went to the airport and the immigration, everything seemed so real and I realized this dream is real. It’s no longer a dream. When I looked down the plane and saw the landscape surrounding O’Hare International Airport, I wanna cry for I got so excited. Then the cabin crew greeted us and said: “Welcome to the United States of America.”

I never imagine I would have gone through so much this year, but I do believe God has plan and His plan is magnificent. Be ready to get surprised:)

Oct 19,2011

Chicago Art Museum

Cloud Gate and Millennium Park

City of Chicago at night

.(not) the end where I begin.

At some point of our life, we will question if we are actually getting better as a person and not stuck at the same place over the years. We all demand ourselves to move. It’s even better if we move forward because the past is nothing but a phase of life with millions of lessons. Little less we realize that we are not the same human being as we were an hour or a year ago. We complain at how stuck our life is, but if we really look behind, we are a different person where we used to be and we never stay in the same place from time to time. Well, we might work in the same company for years but we are never the same person. We were a new guy at work once and then new people come to take that title from us.

I believe that we are growing because of life experience and the years spent to make the best of it. Experience enriches us. It is what makes us a different person. I was looking at myself now and I looked back from where I started. I wish I could draw a line so I can see where I am and how far I have gone in this journey of life. But thanks God, the future are all hazy.

Remember ‘The Adjustment Bureau’? A movie by George Nolfi and stars Matt Damon and Emily Blunt where God’s right hand men have map of life -or whatever they call it in the movie- and try to make sure every people live the life as planned? Well, Thanks god, I can not see a map of my life where I can get ready if there are bumps in the road or to let me know whether to go straight forward, turn left or right when we see an inter-junction just so I will not get lost in the middle of the journey. But who knows that turning at the wrong place would make us end up in a lot more interesting places? There are just too much surprises and it’s all intended to make this life even more interesting.

A rocky road will make us more alert than a freeway. That’s why I ever read somewhere that the number of accident in the freeway is over the number of accident in the bumpy road. Having a smooth life doesnt mean a happy and stress-free life.
God has mysteriously interesting ways of making this whole universe work under His command. His masterplan is the greatest. We can never see how great it is if we choose to see it partially.

So get ready for all the bumps in life. We will be amazed of how long we have survived since we first begin it. The world will always against us. So many things will always go the other way around from what we expected. Dark moments are something we can not avoid. It is our call to stand firm or hide. Whether we like it or not, life will still go on.

This year has been so crazy and beautiful. It’s not going to end just yet, but I know I am a different person from where I started this journey last January 1, 2011. I choose to be a better person. I choose to believe in miracles. So, go away the pessimist side of me!

.the watercolor paints and my fear.

I saw The Tree of Life at the cinema last week and I have been meaning to write and share something in my mind. There was this one scene where the boy was painting with a watercolor paints. I can say that he is blessed because he has the talent. Well, that’s not what I want to point out. The boy surely inherited the artistic genes from his dad.

It suddenly occurred to me that if someone gave me a watercolor paint and asked me to paint on it, I will most possibly do nothing and leave the paper blank.


Deciding what color to use in the painting and what to paint are really difficult for me. I am afraid that I will paint it wrong. I know there’s no wrong and right in painting. Maybe there’s even no rule. It’s a medium to express feelings in a piece of drawing paper and we can do anything about it. Why on earth should I worry about it? But I am worried!! Even when there is no one who will give score of my painting. I am still worried.

I wonder why and I try to assess deeper to get a better understanding of myself. I came into a conclusion that I didn’t raise in an encouraging environment. Unconsciously, I have been living in fears and I become so sensitive to critics, fragile yet stubborn. I don’t have the courage to deal with the consequences of my action and too afraid to make decision because I am so used to have my parents making decision for me.
As I grow older. I let more people make decisions for me; starting from what to wear at school, what brand of shoes, what to eat for lunch or dinner, what to watch at the movie and even what to think.

I realize that I am a follower. Merely because I am so afraid that I can’t fit in well in my surrounding. I am afraid I will be a zebra among the horses. I have this fear because I have never learned or told that it is okay to be different. It’s good to have own opinion. It’s acceptable for making mistakes.

I am too afraid of letting people down that I tend to ignore my own thoughts and feelings. I don’t like certain things but I go with the flow because I don’t know how to survive without people’s acknowledgement. Acknowledgement is always become my friend and foe.

Yes, that simple scene of the movie has turned my thoughts upside down. I couldn’t really remember my childhood due to my short memory issues. But I remember that people always make a decision or choice on my behalf. Even when I never ask them to do so.

What I do to change the situation?

I know this is detrimental for my mentality. That’s when I started to realize that controversy and difference will always exist no matter how hard we try to fit in and pleased people. I am learning to be loud about what I feel. I don’t let people make the decisions for me. I met good people that encourage me to be who I am and still love me for who I am; no matter how silly or stupid my opinion and decision is. I am forced to choose and decide.

You know what? It feels good to have people who will listen to you and appreciate you. It feels good to have control on your own life. I feel loved and I have no fear of being left behind. I want to stop thinking that I am not good enough in anything I do. I remind myself over and over again that I AM GOOD.

Well, there are still so many things to be considered before I decide anything though, and my major consideration is ‘will people like it?’ I still havent put myself as an important variable in deciding anything. But I will start making myself happy instead of taking others’ feelings into account. They probably don’t even care. They will always find something to be critized.

I hope it is not too late to learn speaking my mind. I will choose to surround myself with positive people who love me for who I am. I will create an ideal environment that is encouraging me to break free.

There is more in my mind actually, but I get too sleepy. Composing words over the midnight is a difficult task. But who says I can not do it? I can do it! :)

Oct 2, 2011