.pimples outrage and the fact that I am not accountable to myself.

This is ironic, but I always feel like I am ‘enlightened’ every time I have my facial treatment –only to realize that I am too stubborn to follow it. I always have issues with my pimples; I cannot even recall when this all started, I always thought it must be because of my hormone imbalance. But it’s been years and I passed my teenage era, why are the pimples still out of control? (The answer might be as simple as Personal Hygiene Issue! Lmao :P)

The worst pimples outrage was in my Junior High School. I have my treatment once in a week for almost two months and it really hurts! I never thought I will survive it, but I came back every week to finish my treatment. All those tears and pain I felt on my face are something I don’t want to remember, but I always feel better afterward, so the thoughts of having ‘beautiful’ skin gave me the courage to start all the process every freaking week: D

What I want to highlight in this notes is everything that crosses my mind every time the therapist practices her skill to take care of my pimples. My body adapts pretty quick and sends some signal to distract me from the pain. I make up happy scenes in my head; think about gorgeous people, remember funny text messages or lovely chat with beloved person and what is MORE interesting is, I start making new plans to improve the quality of my life (something I will never think in normal situation :P This might be a sign how I am actually too ignorant to myself :P). I imagine something like joining new tennis or karate club, singing and guitar course, scrapbook or drawing class, buying more girly clothes and fancy shoes, lipstick and beauty accessories. I promise myself to take a better care of my face so I don’t have to get back to the place anymore, but I always have this cycle of pimples outrage every twice a year and I always regret it because I ignore the ‘early warning’ :@

Every time I finish my treatment, I keep saying to myself, RIGHT NOW is the time to start making all the plans come true, but instead of executing the plan, I always find excuses not to do it. I hate how it’s really difficult just to change myself to be better. It’s like I don’t want to be better and I am too comfortable in my own ‘messy’ self. Moral of the story: I am not accountable to myself! It sucks! You need to read this, my stubborn self!!