Sakit di ketiak saya itu ternyata…


Akhir tahun lalu, ada rasa sakit yang tidak biasa di ketiak kiri saya. Kutahan rasa sakit itu sampai kurang lebih satu minggu, berharap bahwa seiring waktu maka rasa sakit itu akan hilang. Cemas rasanya mengingat usia yang sudah tidak muda dan kerentanan akan penyakit, khususnya di area-area sensitif perempuan.

Senin, 28 Desember 2020, saya beranikan diri periksa ke Poli Umum Puskesmas Kecamatan Senen, yang merupakan Faskes Tingkat Pertama program Jaminan Kesehatan Nasional (JKN). Walau tidak nyaman dengan sistem antrian yang panjang, namun kali ini saya tetap memilih datang ke sini dibandingkan datang ke klinik swasta. Alasannya karena saya yakin dokter puskesmas akan memberikan rujukan ke dokter spesialis. Berat rasanya membayar biaya pengobatan ke dokter spesialis, jadi tidak salah memanfaatkan porgram JKN yang disediakan BPJS. Toh tiap bulan gaji saya dipotong untuk membayar iurannya.

Terakhir kali saya memanfaatkan fasilitas dari BPJS adalah saat harus operasi gigi bungsu. Alhamdulillah waktu itu dirujuk ke RSAL Mintoharjo yang punya dokter dan fasilitas yang bagus. Alhasil dua gigi bungsu di rahang kanan dan kiri saya tanggal di meja operasi. Prosesnya memang tidak mudah, entah berapa kali harus bolak-balik pendaftaran, datang pagi sekali dan pulang jelang siang, mampir ke beragam poli yang dirujuk, tes di lab, rontgen, dsb. Tidak ada biaya yang kukeluarkan, semua ditanggung oleh BPJS. Puas sekali dengan hasil akhirnya. Terima kasih…

Balik ke cerita awal, dokter umum di Puskesmas merujuk penanganan ketiak saya ke Dokter Spesialis Bedah Umum di RSU Bunda. Sang dokter juga mengingatkan saya untuk segera cari info pendaftaran di Bunda. Untuk mengurangi antrian, sekarang ada sistem pendaftaran melalui Whatsapp (0857-7241-7637). Kontak call center Bunda (1-500-799) juga sangat responsif dan mudah sekali untuk dapat kontak pendaftaran pasien BPJS. Saya membuat janji datang ke RSU Bunda untuk keesokan harinya, Selasa, 29 Desember 2020.

Yang saya perhatikan di Bunda, selain ada bangunan utama rumah sakit, ada juga bangunan 1 lantai khusus pemeriksaan pasien BPJS dan bangunan terpisah untuk pemeriksaan SWAB PCR, Rapid Test Antibody dan semacamnya.

Begitu masuk ruangan, satpam langsung memeriksa suhu tubuh dan bertanya apakah sudah membuat perjanjian melalui whatsapp, kemudian pasien/keluarga pasien diberikan nomor urut antrian pendaftaran. Peralihan dari satu nomor ke nomor berikutnya berjalan relatif cepat, namun sering kali petugas yang hanya satu orang diganggu dengan berbagi pertanyaan dari pasien/keluarga pasien yang baru datang dan membutuhkan informasi. Selain itu, petugas juga kadang harus mengangkat panggilan yang masuk untuk menjelaskan prosedur BPJS di telepon.

Sebagai pasien baru, saya diminta menyerahkan fotokopi surat rujukan dari Faskes Tingkat Pertama, KTP dan Kartu Indonesia Sehat. Masing-masing cukup 1 lembar. Setelah petugas menginput informasi ke dalam sistem, pasien diminta datang ke “Nurse Station” untuk dicek tekanan darah, ditimbang berat badannya serta mengisi informasi umum seputar riwayat penyakit (apakah ada alergi dan apa alasan berobat).

Pendaftaran Pasien BPJS hanya dibuka pada pukul 08.00-12.00 WIB (Senin-Kamis) dan 08.00-11.00 WIB (Jumat). Saya sengaja datang awal agar mendapat nomor antrian pemeriksaan awal. Berhubung jadwal Dokter Bedah Umum dimulai pukul 14.30 WIB, jadi saya bisa pulang dulu ke rumah sebelum pemeriksaan.

Hari itu, saya diperiksa oleh spesialis dokter bedah umum, didampingi dua orang suster. Dokter langsung meminta agar saya menjalani USG Axilla, Berhubung hari sudah sore, jadi saya dijadwalkan USG di instalasi radiologi pada hari Kamis, 31 Desember 2020 pukul 12.00. Suster mengingatkan saya untuk datang 30 menit lebih awal dan menyampikan bahwa saya tidak perlu mendaftar lagi.

Proses USG dilakukan di gedung utama oleh dokter spesialis radiologi. Sambil mengarahkan alat, dokter menyampaikan bahwa ada 3 benjolan yang menurut beliau adalah kelenjar. Sayang, sang dokter tidak banyak berbicara atau menjelaskan apapun, jadi saya harus menunggu penjelasan dari dokter bedah umum saya yang dijadwalkan pada Rabu, 6 Januari 2021.

Di hari pembacaan hasil USG, saya datang ke Bunda pukul 08.05 WIB, saya dapat antrian pendaftaran ketiga dan antrian pertama pemeriksaan dokter bedah umum yang baru akan mulai praktik pukul 14.30 WIB. Saya izin ke suster untuk balik dulu ke rumah sebelum pemeriksaan.

Di ruangan pemeriksaan, dokter memeriksa hasil USG saya, tidak banyak yang disampaikan, namun yang saya ingat, beliau menyampaikan bahwa sakit di ketiak saya itu ternyata kelenjar yang membengkak.

Saya bertanya apakah berbahaya, dia sampaikan bahwa saat ini belum. Kalau dalam 2 (dua) bulan ternyata masih benjol dan tidak ada perubahan, maka saya perlu periksa kembali dan membandingkan hasil USG. Dia bertanya juga apakah ada benjolan di payudara saya. Saya sampaikan bahwa menurut pemeriksaan dokter puskesmas, kondisi payudara saya baik dan tidak ada benjolan. Dokter juga bertanya apakah saya masih merasakan sakit di ketiak saya. Alhamdulillah, ketiak saya sudah tidak nyeri. Si Dokter menyarankan bahwa setelah shaving ketiak agar diberi sabun untuk memastikan tidak ada kuman yang masuk ke dalam.

Setelah selesai pemeriksaan, dokter menulis resep Ibuprofen lagi untuk saya. CD USG dan surat keterangan hasil USG juga diserahkan ke saya dan saya diminta ke loket pengambilan obat. Di loket, petugas menyampaikan bahwa obatnya bisa diminum bila saya merasa nyeri atau bila demam.

Beberapa hari jelang pergantian tahun 2020 sampai beberapa hari di awal 2021 ini saya sempat sangat khawatir karena nyeri di ketiak. Semoga cerita ini hanya sampai di sini saja. Di tengah pandemi yang entah kapan berakhir, semoga ini menjadi pengingat untuk selalu menjaga diri.

Saya ingin fokus menjaga diri dan orang-orang terdekat, memiliki rasa syukur dan kepuasan hidup serta menghindari overthinking.

Semoga Tuhan selalu menjaga kita semua.

Happy New Year 2021!

Jadi dosen sehari


Hari ini alhamdulillah dapat kesempatan sharing ke teman-teman prodi PR dan administrasi perkantoran dari Vokasi UI. Pertama kali bisa berbagi pengalaman sebagai seorang ASN ke lebih dari 90 orang mahasiswa/i. I am honored and humbled!

Jadi ceritanya 2 (dua) minggu lalu dapat tawaran dari Pak Abdi yang juga merupakan alumni #IATSSForum untuk jadi dosen tamu di kampus yang beliau ajar. Kebetulan temanya cocok dengan keseharian kerjaan.

’Timing’-nya pas banget, baru aja beberapa waktu lalu mama papa minta gw mikirin cari alternatif kerjaan, ngajar misalnya. Mereka punya cita-cita supaya anaknya bisa jadi pengajar :) Makanya, saat ada tawaran sharing, langsung setuju.

Ngomongin UI, dulu pernah ada cita-cita jadi mahasiswa Psikologi UI, tapi apa daya nilai tak sampai :P Akhirnya kuliah di Unsoed, dapat banyak pengalaman ngajar, debat, jadi adjudicator, jadi penyiar radio (walau siarannya seminggu sekali :p), belajar berorganisasi juga (adu ngeyel2an dengan sesama organizer tiap kali rapat sampai dini hari). It was fun and memorable!

Intinya, di manapun berada, tetap berikan yang terbaik karena yang kita lakukan sekarang itu adalah investasi untuk masa depan.

Satu lagi, lebih mudah memerintah daripada mengerjakan sesuatu, jadi sebelum merintah orang lain, kita harus banyak mencoba mengerjakan sesuatu sendiri dulu. Jadi, saat nanti kita punya kesempatan di atas, InsyaAllah bisa memerintah dengan lebih bijak (ahsedappps!).

Ps. Feedback dari teman-teman mahasiswa/i tentang kelas hari ini bikin senyum-senyum sendiri <3 Terima kasih untuk suntikan semangat positifnya!

A short note about incapability to feel emotional closeness


Last night I talked to W about my incapability to have emotional closeness to my colleagues at work. It’s like I always separate myself from the ‘crowd’.

It’s not that I don’t have emotion. I have too much emotion and I am sensitive of my surrounding, but I tend to act differently based on my role, whether it was as a partner, a daughter, a sister, a colleague, or a friend.

It means that when I am at work, I play a role as an office worker. I try to behave professionally and separate my personal matters, which means I am not talking about personal or family issues. Office is simply a place for work. I’ll play different role when I am at home or when I interact with my family and friends. Those separation of roles is needed to ensure the authenticity of a relationship.

Seeing from the external perspective, it happened because the people in power don’t know how to effectively manage an office, how to behave professionally in an office setting, how to use their power wisely, how to appreciate people, and most importantly, how to talk politely and as humanely as possible to underlings. Aren’t we all humans after all? Despite all the ranks and the positions?

Then why can’t people address and treat others in the best way possible?Why can’t we all be treated equally?

I guess that’s why I built my defenses up; to protect myself. Maybe it’s the reason why my colleagues see me as a serious person. The reason why I am ‘unapproachable’ or why I choose to distance myself from my colleagues.

I can’t seem to chill or laid back interacting at work. I always put ‘ready-to-battle’ mode on in the jungle of conflicts and dirty office politics.

In the back of my mind. I am always thinking of the worst; that someone speaks ill behind my back, or someone abuse their power and uses me to climb up the ladder of position or that someone always want to order me around, to bring me down, or to hurt me. That is how defensive I have become. That is how toxic my office environment is.

When I look deeper to myself, maybe my incapablity to feel emotional closeness to my colleagues is simply because I am ignorant to them?

It’s because I couldn’t care less about my colleagues’ ‘domestic’ stories; about their husbands, their wives, or their children. Those topics are what commonly discussed among my colleagues.

I feel like I don’t have similar frame of references to them. They said, the more we share common experiences, the closer we get, ain’t it?

W said that I have a serious trust issue to people. It stops me from getting closer to people. She said I am a perfectionist (although not entirely perfect). It’s like I have set an invisible and immeasurable value of perfection that must be achieved to satisfy myself. The problem is, I am incapable of communicating what must be done by my team or my colleagues to achieve it.

I want my team to have initiatives, to explore their skills and potentials, to do extraordinary work, not just doing the usual. I want them to put their heart and mind when doing it, to be thorough. I want a creative approach to solve a problem. I want to harness critical thinking and have a supportive work environment for us to brainstorm ideas. Somehow I am responsible to create such environment (at least!) to my team.

I have that much expectation to myself. At the same time, I want my leaders to create such working environment. What an expectation!

Believe it or not, I feel like I am transparent to W. It’s like she saw right through me. She said I should start small. What comes naturally to me doesn’t always come naturally to my team. Which means that I have to make sure to communicate clearly what I expected from them or how to complete a task based on a certain standard.

Lately I have been feeling all kinds of feelings…


Lately I have been feeling all kinds of feelings. I guess it all started when my dad tried to introduce me to some guys. He was asking if it was okay for him to share my phone number.

Deep down I wanted to say I am not okay. I kept stalling for time to answer his texts. On a Sunday when I visited my parents, dad personally asked the same question. I couldn’t ignore it anymore. My heart hurts from hearing the question. He wanted me to get connected to some random guys.

I am pretty sure he hasn’t even met them in person. One of them is his friend’s son and the other one is his friend’s colleague. One of them is a lawyer and the other one is a contractor. I could care less about their jobs.

I am still in the process of healing from my disappointment toward my parents. A couple of months ago, dad said unkind things towards me and it hurts so bad. A force to get married should be considered a bully and an abuse.

Here comes the cycle where they ‘push’ me again to meet new people and get married. My cousin might have something to do with it. She just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl a couple of weeks ago. She’s still 25yo though. By the time she’s my age, her son would be 9 year-old.

I guess my parents could see how I have missed out on some of the life stages. Maybe they thought how disappointing it was to have a child like me. How embarrassing it was to see her unmarried child.

I just want to cry… I want to hide. I want to avoid the conflict, the arguments and all the hurtful things that will occur between us.

The emotional distance between me and my parents are getting wider and I don’t know how to fix it. All I feel is a tremendous amount of pressure. Pretending it won’t affect my I guess it won’t ever be fixed. How will I survive it all?

Suara Senandung Satu Dekade #Jakflute


KEREN BANGET!

Menyenangkan sekali bisa hadir di Galeri Indonesia Kaya (GIK) untuk menyaksikan Suara Senandung Satu Dekade #jakflute yang tahun ini genap berusia 10 tahun. Ini adalah kali pertama saya menyaksikan penampilan flute ensamble

Masih dengan semangat hari ulang tahun ke-74 Republik Indonesia, anggota #Jakflute menggunakan pakaian khas Indonesia dan menampilkan banyak lagu karya Ismail Marzuki, Gesang, Titik Puspa. Ada juga lagu daerah dan lagu nasional.

Untuk saya pribadi, aransemen lagu Pantang Mundur karya Mas Septa bikin merinding. Bagus banget.

Semoga #Jakflute dapat terus berkarya dan semakin luas dikenal di Indonesia dan mancanegara. Congrats, Mba Marini & Mba Metta (founder Jakflute) serta flutist lainnya.

Tadi sempat ‘stalking’ IG Jakflute kebanyakan digembok sih, tapi sempat mampir ke IG Mba Armiya Husein dan dengar ‘her very first single’ yang asik banget didengar. Sukses, Kak!

Oh iya, Galeri Indonesia Kaya sering banget mengadakan acara serupa. Langsung cek website mereka ya. GRATIS!

Little Hero | IATSS Forum X Jejakecil


Took a train to Bandung after work to support an IATSS Forum Alumni event. So happy to be a part of a good cause. I feel like I haven’t given enough to the community after my return from Japan. So when Mas Angga introduced the project, I was so excited. In 2017, Silk and I ever visited JEJAKECIL, a small initiative education community for children in Bandung, West Java.. Mas Angga’s daughter is one of the students there. We were thinking of what we can do to collaborate with them. A year later, the collaborative event was finally held. The title was LITTLE HERO because we were targeting the event for pre-school kids (1-5 yo).

The concept of the activity is building children’s awareness in environment sustainability by doing waste management from the early age in a fun way & building pride to children by being a HERO for the environment.

The activity is being held weekly with different theme (Cleanliness, Sorting Waste, Organic Waste and Recycle) for a total of 1 month during July 2018.

Last Saturday, Indonesia IATSS Forum Alumni gathered in Bandung and played with the kids while teaching them how to sort different waste, create a hand puppet and drawing using paper waste. Some of the alumni also sat behind a cardboard theater doing a fun puppet play. Both the kids and the alumni were having a lot of fun. So much positive energy for a good cause.

We also held a mini workshop about waste management and alternatives for the facilitators of Jejakecil. The speaker, Mba Denok from the 50th batch shared about her work and passion in managing waste in the community. It was so inspiring. Everyone was amazed and moved to start taking care of the environment.

We never forget to put in some good words about IATSS Forum leadership training to the Jejakecil facilitators and invited them to join the selection next year.

Special thanks to the team; Mas Angga, Mba Denok, Zuni, Anggun, Borries, Mas Rambo, Mas Yuri dan rekan-rekan IIFA lainnya, Pak Abdi, Bu Dani, Mba Luci, Mba Shanty, Bu Tuty. Special thanks to #Jejakecil facilitators: Kak Gio, Kak Rena, Kak Early, dkk.

Lessons from Japan: A story about IATSS Forum Leadership Training


Being selected as one of the participants from Indonesia in the leadership training held by IATSS Forum Japan was one of my proudest moments. This program has been conducted since 1985 and was initiated by Soichiro Honda, founder of Honda Motor. I joined the 56th IATSS Forum Training Program back in 2016 and here’s my story.

There were a total of 19 young professionals from Japan and respected ASEAN countries who had the chance to learn in Japan for 55 days (September – November 2016). We spent most of our training days in Suzuka city – Mie Prefecture, although we also had a chance to visit Tokyo, Kyoto, Osaka, Kobe, Iga and Toba to learn different topics and themes.

The forum provided opportunities for participants to understand each other’s countries through seminars, field studies, group study, and cultural exchange, as well as to make efforts to solve current issues in Asia and Japan, under the motto “Thinking and Learning Together.”

The selection for IATSS Forum was held in Jakarta in December 2015. There were 20 candidates from different provinces in Indonesia who passed the first screening and were invited to an interview. Before the interview, there was a role play and group work where all the candidates were closely observed by 9 assessors. They were the representative of Embassy of Japan, IATSS Forum Japan, Indonesia IATSS Forum Alumni, Astra Honda Motor, academic professor, and psychologist. The role play was designed to match the training in Japan.

The main theme of the training was Sustainable Community Design, in which all the participants learned the basic of sustainable communities. There was also introduction to different sustainable community design projects. Not only that, but we also learned about general themes, such as modernization, politics, urban planning, education, environment, and One Village One Product (OVOP). I loved the discussion and study about OVOP.

OVOP is a concept where the community help themselves to produce one competitive product in their own village as a business to gain sales revenue to improve the standard of living and prosperity in their community, while also preserving the environment. The community needs to be independent and creative in finding products with high added value.

What I remember the most about the lecture was the quote from former Oita Prefecture Governor, Morihiko Hiramatsu who said: “local government helps those who help themselves.” I think this is an important quote because he emphasized how important it was for the community to help themselves and change their living situation, instead of wishing for the government to help them have a better life.

The important issue of OVOP Implementation in Indonesia is the lack of understanding of OVOP philosophy. The characteristic of programs in Indonesia is the top-down policy (where the government initiates the project), in contrary to OVOP concept, which is bottom-up.

Working for the government, I notice that many of our programs were not successful in reaching the goals and helping the people in a community. Many times, we made a policy that was aimed to improve the life of people, but ended up failing in the process. From the program, I realize that creating a successful program for a community requires active participation and involvement of the community in the particular area.

Many Indonesians expect the government to make a ‘miraculous policy’ to help them overcome difficulties in life (poverty, employment, traffic, drugs, pollution). It will not work that way though. The government may have an initiative, however, the success and the failure of it would depend on the support of the community. The community plays an important part to run and oversee the process. They need to feel like they belong to the program. When the community has a sense of pride of what they are doing, they will work really hard to reach the goals. Now, the challenge is to make the people/ community aware of the role.

I learned so much from the IATSS Forum staffs and some Japanese people I met during my training, I admire their hard work, dedication and commitment to help nurture human resources for ASEAN region’s sustainable development. I learn about the value of time, the importance of planning, the prioritization of group harmony and the idea of respecting the nature and the people. The lesson I learned and the friendship I made with other Japanese and ASEAN participants in Japan will forever be engraved in my heart. I am also grateful for all the support I got from BAPPEBTI as well.

For more information about the program, please visit https://www.iatssforum.jp/en/

 

On being a good daughter…


It’s Monday. It’s not a slow day, but it seems like it.

I have been feeling unwell during the weekend, but I forced myself to go to work because I am going on a business trip to Medan on Wednesday and there’s just too much to do at the moment.

I just want to reflect on what happened to my life lately, there’s something that has bothered my mind in the past couple of weeks. My feelings were hurt so bad and I keep on saying to myself that I will be fine eventually.

Parents came to my house last month after I returned from a biztrip in Malang. I got home from the airport a little early that day, so parents came to check on me. I always had this weird feeling whenever they deliberately came to my house.

Mom started by telling me that her dentist sent her best regards to me. The dentist happened to be my senior in the high school. Years ago, I went to her office/home one time and met her mom as well. Her mom seemed to be impressed by me (don’t ask me why or how lol). At that exact moment she said that she has a younger son, implying that we could be a family if only the son was older and graduated from university already. I just smiled awkwardly.

Mom told me that the son is married already now, but the mother complained about her daughter-in-law. Pffttt. Later on, the mother contacted my parents saying that there’s an eligible bachelor (one of their relatives) to matchmake with me.

I was like “WTF?!”

We were off to get dinner. In the car, Mom and dad kept on rambling about this guy and then showed me his picture. I could see the phone screen that my dad sent some of my pictures (without my approval!) through whatsapp as well. I said “No, thanks”

Dad was asking why…

I couldn’t really tell them the reason why.

(Could I just say that men are jerks and currently I am not looking for one?!)

I finally said “Maybe marriage life isn’t for me. Maybe I am not destined to get married.”

Dad exploded right after he heard my words.

He lectured me about how important it is for a muslim to get married and make a family; that it is a sin for both the parents and I, if I don’t get married when I am financially and mentally able to get married (No, Dad, I am not mentally prepared for this!).

He kept on ranting about how disappointed he was when I took off my veil/hijab. He regret sending me to a public school, instead of a madrasah to study Islam. He said he should not be proud of sending me to pursue a higher degree because I turned out to be a daughter who does not respect Islam and does not follow the syariah.

He repeatedly said that he didn’t want anything from me except a marriage. He didn’t need me to send money or buy him gifts. I am his only daughter and he just wants to marry me off.

Dad said it was okay for me to get angry at him for what he said, but I should not get angry at mom. He was reminding me that heaven lies at the feet of a mother and that I should always respect my mom.

I owe them my life.

Dad threw some nasty comments and I chose to be the bigger person.

I remained silent for the rest of the conversation. Oddly, I sat calmly and even able to respond some urgent calls or messages on the phone.  I wish I could just walk away, but I was trapped there in the car (the traffic was awful!).

My heart sunk…

I was heartbroken…

I felt really awful. I put a brave face that evening, but I cried so much in W’s shoulder when I got home.

Last time, I had this kind of feeling was when my parents brought me some kind of flowery water from a religious shaman. They said the water would repel bad or negative energy off of me. Maybe by doing so, men will be attracted to me. I was really offended, but I didn’t really say anything. My face expressed how offended I was though. I didn’t even look at my mom’s eyes when she explained what I should do with the water.

My parents are religious people, never once they skipped daily prayers, dad always wake up in the middle of the night for Tahajud, walks to the mosque for Subuh prayers, mom recites Quran, they are the kind of people who will always help the others; good moslems. But I just don’t get how desperate they are to find me a spouse and marry me off that they asked some religious/islamic shaman to ‘magically’ level up my ‘attractiveness’ to men. I just can get my head around this mystic things. I don’t believe in such a thing, so it’s pointless, right?

I become more comfortable in my own skin after I returned from Japan. It was a lot of work tbh, and suddenly they crumble down my confidence and effort by doing so. I keep on telling myself that they were doing it out of love. They meant no harm, but what they did broke my heart in pieces. They don’t even realise it.

I kept on asking my close friends, “Is it okay for me to feel hurt and offended for what my parents did or said?

They said, “of course, you are allowed to feel.

I wish I could speak heart to heart about my situation to my parents. I wish I could let them see my perspective, my fear, my dream and my feelings, but I know they won’t understand.

If your parents really loved you, they would want you to be happy,” said a friend.

I don’t think my happiness matters more than their pride or the religion or the social pressure they feel for having an unmarried daughter :-(

Is leaving as far away as possible the only way out of this situation? I know I am a coward for unable to face the situation, but often time I just want to run away because I don’t want to hurt myself. I am way past that.

Deep down I never want to disappoint my parents. I always try my best to be the best daughter, to be the kind of people who will make them proud, but I guess sometimes I am not good enough. Am I not a good enough person or muslim if I am not married? As a women, am I just defined by my marital status?

I am not saying I don’t want to get married, but I just don’t want to be forced to do so. I want to meet someone and come to that decision together with the person when we feel it’s right.

Comment on TPSA’s Workshops on Gender Equality and Trade


I had a chance to join three workshops on Gender Equality and Trade that was held by the TPSA Project in cooperation with the Ministry of Trade (MoT) of the Republic of Indonesia. During the workshop, I learn about the basic concept of gender equality and its correlation to trade, especially in value chains, gender analyses tools and gender budget statement. We also identify the opportunities of MoT to integrate gender equality objectives in trade policies and programs. The sessions were fruitful and packed with games, interactive discussion, case studies and group work. The participants were encouraged to actively involve and to share the situation in our own working unit. At first I had a very limited knowledge about gender concept and its relation to trade, now I start thinking about how to integrate the gender concept to the programs in my working unit. I am grateful to be able to meet some gender experts that were able to share their knowledge, especially in relation to SME participation in trade in Indonesia and give us an understanding on why paying attention to gender equality concept matters, particularly on boosting export from Indonesia to Canada. I also met my colleagues from different working unit in the MoT and hopefully through the workshops, it will help us synergise our programs in the future.