Right before the new year came, I was talking to Jo Chau (I seem to have many good friends with that name lol) about life, relationship and stuff. She’s one of the Vietnamese participants of IATSS Forum from previous batch. I met her during the community work and cross-country learning and leadership program in Thailand. Gosh, it’s amazing how we can understand each other after only spending a short time together. The feeling is mutual, that is why it’s so much fun. Even Ishii-san said that our face look similar lol I feel like finding a long-lost sister. We did not spend too much time together, but I feel like I can trust her and that she’d be a really good friend.
A: “I often hate myself for caring too much. For feeling too much…“
J: “Because you always take care of others. You know, sometimes when you are too caring, they took it for granted. They felt bounded by your emotions and love. I used to behave like that. And a friend told me “Your crush is looking for a partner, not another mother.” The silver line is – love yourself first, then your crush. Cancer is way too caring. Too caring that people know Cancer never leave anyone. Only the other side leave Cancer’s side. Don’t hate it. Love it. When you love it, you’ll learn to protect it.”
A: “Well, sometimes I love myself for having this deep feeling, but sometimes I hate it. I am still giving too much for others, but not to myself”
J: “Because you have not love it enough to think for yourself first. You prioritize others and their needs, over your own needs. Think carefully what are your needs, what do they need from the other person. If they cannot fulfil it, they don’t deserve you. SB for example – that person likes you, but needs someone close and constantly by ’em side. They know it well and They live for themselves before you. Same for CB, they prioritised their needs before you and considered their emotion before your emotions. But do they know yours? A relationship needs contributions from both side -equally. Whichever giving more will end up unsatisfied -forever. You are giving in yearning for their attention. Love someone who don’t make you feel like you need to sacrifice yourself more than they do”.
Damn! She really slapped me hard with her words. I think deep and long about it, I know I have to change. That kind of mentality will not do me good in 2017.
Apart from her advice, I also found an article (Let 2017 Be Your Year Of Healing And Redemption) that resonates true to my situations. I have learned my lesson in 2016, I fell in love, got my heart broken and met amazing friends who have taught me the meaning of life. From these people, I also learn better about myself and my characters, I discover things I never knew was there, and what I can do to improve myself. Because life is about being a better person and being present for others.
“Let 2017 be the year you will take it easy on people, on things. The year you will lose all kinds of expectation from people and just grant them the freedom to be who they are and who they want to be. Permit them the space to grow, to find themselves, to discover their passion, their people and their places here on Earth. Let this be the year you will have the heart to understand that people grow at different pace, people grow apart, and that you cannot keep them forever. Let this year give you the grace to comprehend completely that these things happen and it’s out of your control. The only control you have is over detaching yourself from people, even the closest to your soul. Let this be the year you will realize that we all need time on our own, away from certain people, certain places and certain things. The year of just taking your time to heal, no matter how slow, as long as you are healing. A year you will no longer fake strength; but just be honest with what’s going on inside you. Let this year be the year you will be whole, again.“
So here I am, 20 days has passed in 2017 and I am starting to love myself more, to put myself in the first priority, to consider my own needs before others (when it comes to relationship!), and to give people I like more space to breathe. I also want to eat healthier food, cook my own meal and move to my own place. Today I am on the 11th day of Mayo Diet program and still committed to finish it, I have lost 10kgs since I returned from Japan and I love this tiny transformation.
So, Hello, 2017!