About the Past; A letter to myself


Dear Annisa,

We are so easy to get drawn to something/ someone familiar. Something that once were our comfort zone; the sound of certain people, the warm feeling they gave us, the friendly advice we always appreciate, the soothing voice and text, the constant assurance that things will get better in the future. Those things often force us to look back and stay there. What’s passed is past. There’s no place for us in the past because it’s the present we are living in. But all those temptations; the memories, the friendly feeling, the comfort we always long, are just reminders of how unhappy we are in the present. We seek refuge in the past. We thought it will make us feel better; we hoped it will welcome us and embrace us. But here’s the tricky part, we move on along the way because ‘the past’ does not stay long enough to still be in the present. They have fulfilled their part in your storyline and they left. Starting over required effort and optimism, but sometimes the past take away all optimism. What’s left are tears, disappointment, a heart that’s broken into pieces and hope that’s gone. The future is vague, the present is not convincing, so the past is misread as the answer for all those pains. We are too proud to admit that we messed up, yet too fragile to put the past behind. It’s because the past offers such familiar scent to intoxicate us and blur our vision. Stop blaming yourself, stop thinking ‘what ifs’, no matter how hard you try, you can not change your past. Find new familiar things, then maybe you can stop mixing up the present with the past or vice versa.

Yours sincerely,
A

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