I have this interesting conversation with my friend when I suddenly come to the conclusion that my brain works in a ‘weird’ way, not sure if it’s normal, but I attempt to understand it. Well, there are people who study how the brain works, and I am pretty sure they can explain how mine works. But since I am not anywhere close or befriend with the brain experts, I will try to explain it myself.
Whenever I try to remember something new, I will associate it with something ‘similar’; something that has been printed out in my head so it will be easier for me to remember the new things. When I read something, my mind decode it into something. I’m a lame reader, I’m bad with memory. I can not remember exact words or phrases. This is why I almost failed my ‘Introduction to Law Systems’ unit in my college. The study required me to remember letterlijk. Something that is impossible for me. I was amazed that some of my friends can remember an article or act letter by letter and I was frustrated because my brain can not make the exact same link. I spent many hours trying to remember, but I ended up remember nothing. I learn something from its context, my brain decode it into something I can understand. I might be unable to rewritten it, but I do understand what it means. Sigh, difficult explanation.
Take another example, when I read something new, like ‘Friesian’ my brain is looking up for something familiar in my memory. They have this brand in Indonesia, Frisian Flag. In my brain, Friesian and Frisian look ‘similar’ and when I tried to recall my memory about a horse, somehow I mentioned what’s associated with the milk company, which is Frisian, not Friesian. The process of decoding the word is ‘corrupted’ and then I failed to remember the new word although it’s not completely useless. I gain new understanding and knowledge about horse.
Why am I writing this? It is a way for me to understand myself. I remember writing about my past memories, about love and hurt, about my inability to remember the exact words or phrases that make me cry or happy, but I do remember my feeling when it happens. I can not remember what we were talking about when T called me for the very first time, but I do remember my feeling, it’s crystal clear. I remember my heart was beating faster than normal, butterflies in my stomach, and how silly I was.
My mind is weird. Sometimes I am afraid my brain can not absorb new things :-( I lost words sometimes, and it freaks me out every time. I google a word, Lethologica. Wikipedia associate it with psychological disorder that inhibits an individual’s ability to articulate his or her thoughts by temporarily forgetting key words, phrases or names in conversation.. Probably I am not as healthy as I thought I am. But I hope there’s nothing serious about it.