Melbourne Day 71: “I’m not moving”

So I am in a melancholic mood now. It’s past midnight, but I am not sleeping already. Two major assignments will due in two weeks. I will have class in the morning, but there are so many things crossing my mind now. I know exactly why I am feeling this way. I am thinking about people in my past, who have touched my life, who have moved on, who are happy with their life. I stumble upon old pictures and videos. When I look back, I notice the change happened in my life. Those small steps really bring me to another point of life. We might do the same thing everyday, we might think that nothing changes, but when we look back, we realize that everything is different. Ah, now I remember my teacher in elementary school taught me about characteristic of living things; they are breathing, eating, growing, sensitive to stimuli and adaptive. We are forced to be adaptive. Isn’t it what’s amazing about human? That we are adaptive to any change. Being adaptive is human nature. But why is it difficult to adapt to the new reality? Why is it so painful to move on? Why is it wearisome to put the past behind? I thought since we are ‘well-equiped’ with the ability to adapt, it will be easier to change, but it’s not. I am trying to make peace with my past. I am struggling to make amend with my life because I want to move on. I want to feel better, but I guess there’s no shortcut in life. So, I’ll just keep on doing what I am doing. Maybe one day, when I look back again, I will see how far I have been from this point of life now.

But cruel are the times when we are traitors
And do not know ourselves, when we hold rumor
From what we fear, yet know not what we fear,
But float upon a wild and violent sea
Each way and move. – Shakespeare


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