Just feel like writing a quick note. Weeks of issue summary has finally come to an end. Now here comes three major essays before the finals. I only wanna pass all these units. Story I heard from my flatmate who failed her unit in the previous semester is making me anxious. Sitting in the class with all this education standard and expectation is a burden. I was not that bad when I graduated from my university, but studying here is a whole different thing. Half of the time, I don’t understand what my professor are talking about, I can not keep up with the discussion flow, I stutter when I express my opinion or question, I got pretty beat up although no one can really see it. I manage to put my cool face on (or my face down so no one will notice me). I keep saying to myself that I can do this. Even if it means I need to put extra efforts, even if it means spending at least 14 hours straight just to write down a 300-word summary (which is not really satisfying because I am not fluent in expressing the ideas, particularly in academic writing); something that can be done by my classmates in only an hour or two.
Got so many things in mind now; school and personal issue. Maybe I am stressed out, maybe I am excited. It’s week 9 already! 3 meetings left and we’re all done for the semester. Well, it also means the deadline for the major essays are getting closer. Probably no one will believe it, but I finally go to the library and borrow the books for the very first time since I am studying here (oh well, I have a clean record of not borrowing any books from library during my undergraduate study, which was crazy! How can I finally graduate with such record?! *smh) I have this weird way when it comes to doing the assignments, I usually just lock myself up in my room -watching movies actually! I just realise how easy my mind got distracted because when I am looking up for journals or online books, I will end up downloading TV series, songs or browsing tumblr. It’s like everything else (other than books and journals) is MORE urgent at that time. “There’s never a perfect time to do assignments other than NOW.” I keep telling myself that, but it doesn’t work. Stupid procrastinator! Oh well, it should be a quick note, I just wanna say I am proud of msyelf for going to the library and finally borrow the books. The other thing I am proud of myself is having the courage to come and consult with my professor. It really takes a lot of guts to come and see him. I am pretty sure I looked dumb, I had difficulty explaining my project and there was time when I missed his inputs. Oh well, at least I come and ummm talk a bit haha
I am watching Glee’s first season now, I really love Lea Michele’s voice :p I have been watching old movies and series lately; Pretty Woman, Carrie, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai :p haha. I was watching the first and second season of Grey’s Anatomy last weekend :p Some nights I just wake up and can not sleep anymore. My mind wanders to some familiar place, face and smell. Those are the moments when I hate myself for falling too hard.