.a letter for myself.


Dear my sentimental side:

I am writing this because I don’t want to fall asleep in a boring workshop. I have always known that you are such a good student, but for this one time, let me take over your life and write this letter to you.

I know how hard you try to find someone to settle down with. I know it’s been years since you’re trying to find peace in life. I know how lonely you feel every freaking night, waiting for someone to embrace you warmly. I also know how you feel when you walk alone in a mall or cinema looking at couples holding hands and sharing laughter. I know how sad you are scrolling your Twitter timeline down and finding your Twitter friends speaking the language of love. The language you are yet understood.

You have been a brave soul for as long as I know you. You open yourself to love people. You let yourself fall for them! Your eyes see good qualities in them and you let your heart be amazed by how wonderful people can be.

You have always been a fighter. You let your heart speak out and express what’s inside it. You give the chance for your mouth to say what’s hidden in your head. You take chances without hesitation though I know deep down you are so freaking afraid to scare them off with your brutally honest feeling. I am the one who knows how fragile your heart really is. I was there when people rejected you. But I always know your heart has never been too tired to love again every time the wrong people tear it apart.

Dear my precious heart,

How could you love others but you simply ignore yourself? How could you let them hurt it so bad when you suppose to protect it? How could you be so stupid to expect love from people who don’t want you to be part of their stories? How could you fight for people who don’t want to fight for you?

I know you want to let them know how special they are to you. I know how loyal you can be. I know how dying you are to be committed to someone. I know how accountable you can be for those who need it. I know how helplessly romantic you are and I know how you care like hell. But you have to be smarter now. There’s time when you have to stop fighting for those who don’t want to fight for you or give you any chances.

I want you to know it’s okay to stop caring about people who care less about you. I love you too much to see you buried yourself in sadness, disappointment and tears.

Let me tell you the one thing I love (and hate!) from you. Every time you fall for someone, you invest 100% of yourself to this person. You expose yourself too much! You let one person define your moods or days. Yes, you are one of the bravest and stupidest people one can be.

Most of the time, I laugh at you for being so stupid. Some other time, I praise you for making us so darn happy.

Do you remember all those nights when we were sleeping with wide smile in the face? Those are happy days! But I can never forget you crawling in the bed crying all alone and have this tendency to hurt yourself!

You have been through all the extreme feelings and it’s good to know that you’re not immune to it. You didn’t close your door to trust new people with your patched heart. But please be good to yourself. I love you so much! You might look for someone to say that to your face, but if you haven’t found one, let me said that to you millions time. Don’t close your ears coz I will keep on saying that to you and your crazy destructive self! Use your brain! Most time your heart is making you acting like a big baby.

There are no fancy words in this letter; it’s just me talking to you! I love you so so much. Stand tall, baby! You will find the right one. Keep on loving people… Keep doing what you love. They will come to you eventually and IF you have to leave Indonesia to be with the person you love, believe me I’ll support you with logical explanation. I will be here to take care of you.

 

Xoxo,

Your sane side!

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One comment

  1. luciadesthiehapsari · June 5, 2011

    There is two kind of Love : an Alfa love and Beta love,
    An Alfa love always giving without expecting what would it be.
    A Beta Love never complete themself of finding what less in their life, and they keep on searching.
    We’ll know what is the difference if we’ve been in each that kind of love.
    Somehow hopefully we’ll find the same person who has the same kind of love.
    Partner in A Beta love will never satisfying because they put their dependency each other.
    Partner in An Alfa Love makes your world brighter, because by giving each other makes the day easier…
    Thanks, Lucy

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